My Journey

WHAT A YEAR!!!

2010-12-11T12:22:00.001-08:00

What a year, indeed! In March 2010 I began dating Paul. We met at church and I had my eye on him for a while. I never said anything to him, but just waited patiently...finally we had our first date March 20th, on May 3rd we were engaged and on September 25th we became Mr. & Mrs.! Gotta love a God who works in the "suddenlies." I never knew life and love could be this amazing!

Finally made it to NYC!!!

2010-01-30T16:10:00.000-08:00

@ the Today Show

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-01T07:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know if 2010 can top 2009, but I'm looking forward to seeing what this new year holds! My new total is minus 230 lbs. I may add a few items to the old 'bucket list' since I got to check a few off, like meet my soul mate (if I haven't already)...though I am quite content where I am... I LOVE MY LIFE!

"Half the girl I used to be!"

2009-10-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

Actually, less than half...can't believe how life can completely change in just 2 short years.

A moment 22 years in the making...

2009-08-22T03:43:00.000-07:00

On August 1st we went to Darien Lake and after 22 years, I was able to go on rides... I could fit in them! It was amazing! I went on as many rides as I could, even 1 kiddie ride. I'm so thankful for a God who gives second chances (and 3rd and 4th...) I LOVE MY NEW LIFE! Next step, NYC!

T minus 204

2009-06-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

Just a random thought

2009-06-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

I took Dave to a Dr.'s appt today, these are the waiting room chairs. As I sat there, legs crossed and not touching the chair arms, I thought... Wow, 2 years ago these chairs would have sent me into full fledged anxiety... sometimes that old life seems like someone elses, I pray I never take for granted how far I've come.

-200 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe it, I've lost 200 pounds! Seriously...200 pounds. who'd have ever thought!

2009-05-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 5:17

2009-05-03T16:51:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

That's exactly how I feel, like a new creation. The best compliment I love to hear is when people say they didn't even recognize me. I LOVE THAT! And I also love not having the extreme anxiety of being stared at and made fun of. FREEDOM! I'm down 187 lbs now. 13 more lbs til tattoo...I think. As a reward for 200 I'm also giving myself a trip to NYC. I can't wait.

It's so funny how quickly I seem to forget my old life. I can't even believe how long I lived the way I did. So much time wasted...because of food! STUPID! Yet that was my life. I missed out on so much...who knows where I'd be if I'd gotten a handle on this 20 years ago...married? a mom? a better job? Well, I can't live in the past, all I can do is carve out a new future. I've created my own bucket list...it seems to keep growing, I have a lot of time to make up for.

BUCKET LIST:

Plastic surgery
Go to NYC - DONE 8/31-9/02/2009
Go to Italy
Own an orange Pontiac Vibe
Ride on a Harley
Swim
Go horseback riding
Amusment park rides - DONE 8/01/2009
Wear something from Victorias Secret
Wear something from Abercrombie (DONE)
Fly on an airplane

...to be continued...

January 2009

2009-01-31T09:48:00.000-08:00

Thank God the holidays are over. Too many 'goodies' around all the time. I did enjoy them, in moderation of course! It's 16 months, 1 week into my journey and I've gotten rid of 170 lbs. It's a whole new world. I'm still getting used to it. Sometimes the old anxieties still pop up and I have to remind myself that I'm not that old person any more. I'll be in a clothing store and almost have to force myself to go down to the next size, it's like I can't believe I could be a smaller size, it's wierd.

30 lbs until tattoo time, if I can actually do it. We'll see.

More firsts...

2008-12-29T18:19:00.000-08:00

December 20th I went to a production my niece was in at the Civic Center and I wasn't worried about fitting in the seats. It was great! Then on the 22nd, my family went to the Carrier Dome for an SU basketball game, my first time for both. I wasn't worried about the seating, but panic set in when we first arrived and I saw the turnstyle at the entrance. I didn't think I would fit through it, but I did! I can't even explain how amazing I felt. I still get a hint of anxiety at restaurants too, I forget now that I can fit in a booth (with room to spare) and I love them. Sometimes I get wrapped up in how far I have to go and i forget how far I've come...down 160 lbs in 15 months!

Sweet Freedom

2008-11-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

So, a couple new developments...In September I joined Curves, I go between 3 and 4 times per week. On Saturdays I like to walk there. The first time I did that I thought...'Who am I?' It was so far from who I was a year earlier. I could barely walk to my car, let alone to a fitness facility. The fact that I was walking out in public, in broad daylight, on my way to work out...who'd've thought? It was overwhelming. On Novemer 8th I went bowling for the first time I can remember. This is another thing so out of character for me. And I didn't feel like the center of attention in a negative way...there were a lot of kids there and, for the first time, I didn't hear any of them comment on my size. It was so freeing! My next 'bucket list' thing is horse back riding, but I'm still quite a few pounds from that. I'm down 147 lbs now. When I hit 200 down, I'm getting a little tattoo on the back of my shoulder, discreet but encouraging. It'll be something with a 200 worked into the design. I think I'll be able to do it. We'll see...

Milstones

2008-08-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

So here's some things I count as milestones in my journey...
walking a mile each week day, wearing jeans, having to buy all new clothes and being able get them in a store (not on-line) and not being the largest size, ditching the seat belt extender, sitting comfortably at a theater, not feeling like a spectacle everywhere I go, buying healthy food...and more...

September 19, 2007 and October 16, 2007

2008-08-03T16:04:00.000-07:00

September 19th, the dreaded day. So I walk in to the doctors, pay my copay and wait to be called. The door opens and I'm up. The nurse takes me straight to the 'special' scale. I reluctantly step on and ask her to just write it in my file and not tell me what it is. In the back of my mind, I know I'm ready to fight this battle, just not ready to see how big the battle was going to be. Then I go see the FNP, she finds my blood pressure slightly high so she prescribes a low dose med, I'm not thrilled with that. Then she hits on the weight thing. And you guessed it, asks if I've ever thought about losing weight. DUH! Does every day count? Then yes I have thought about it. She says she wants to see me back in a month and asked if I could try to lose just 5 pounds in that time, I told her I could sneeze off 5 pounds. (humor helps) Anyway, when I left, I knew this was the beginning of my journey and I was ready and even kind of looking forward to it.

October 16th, back to the docs and down 21.8 lbs... I was hoping for 20, so I was pretty pleased, the nurse was amazed, something tells me she didn't really think I meant business.

September 18, 2007

2008-08-03T15:58:00.000-07:00

Well, tomorrow is my sister's 4oth birthday and I'm 16 months away from that milestone myself. OH GOD! I also have a doctors appointment, not looking forward to that. I'm sure it'll end in a discussion about weight loss. You know the old question, 'have you ever thought about losing weight?' No, only every day of my life for as long as I can remember. I will be mentally prepared for it though... I guess.